Dear Diary...



July 14th

finally!! finally, i finished the driving school today!! oh, gosh... can't believe it. i'm done with it! i'm soooo happy...like i can't explain my happiness in words!! this feeling of an achivement is so nice and so great. i guess this is what i've been missing for a long time... i haven't fulfilled or felt satisfied with anything since one and a half year ago - since i got into high school in japan. well, i consider that this is the time to tell why i came here to the united states.

as a 9th grader from april 1999 to march 2000, i studied a lot to get into a high school which i'd wanted to go since i was in 7th grade. that high school was my dream that might be able to make my life valuable and full of meaning. i wanted change my life. i wanted to explore the world. and the school which seemed perfect for me was that high school. however, it was so hard to get into that school because that school is one of the smartest high schools in my prefecture. so i needed to study a lot. it sounds like i had a hard time to study, but actually, i didn't. becuz i liked it. i liked spending time to approach my dream. all i had to do was to strive for my goal and which was also exciting and interesting to me. it was full of fun, but sometimes, it was just full of hard work. but it really meant to me. it meant to me a lot... i think that was the moment that i really felt the meaning in my life. i passed the exam and got into that high school in march 23rd 2000, but after that, i noticed the worst thing that i shouldn't have noticed. everyone got into school with their hopes and dreams which they really wanted to do in their high school lives and which could make their lives valuable. they had something that they could go for. but me, passed the exam and already made the dream come true, had nothing to go for anymore. i made my dream come true, but also i lost my dream simutaneously. i had thought i could get better scores on the tests than everyone else so never thought i was a looser. but after i noticed the truth, i felt like i was the looser. i noticed that my dream was just to get into the high school but not to have a precious life there. then, i felt that there was a distance between me and other ppl. i thought i'd already been left behind them. my father was already here on his business then, so i could come here anytime i want. i thought to myself,"what i need is a change and movement." and that was what made up my mind. it was sure that saying good-bye to my friends was hella sad especially to my best friends. when i told them that i was leaving, i was almost crying. well, i didn't, though. i didn't cry in front of them cuz i didn't want to make them feel sad, either. i wanted to see them smile. gosh...it was too much for me. i still remember the day i said good-bye to them. i can't ever forget it. dunno why. just...i can't. i sometimes thought i should stay in japan, but i didn't wait to feel like a looser anymore. besides, i trusted my friends. friends are forever. place doesn't matter among friends. so i came here.

well, it's becoming pointless, so it's time to go bac to the driving school stuff. as i said, i finished going to driving school.so i have to take the paper test next. i took the pre-test today in the class twice, and i failed both of them!! gosh..me dumb, dumb!! the first one, i missed 19 out of 46 that means i failed compretely. the second time, i missed 14. we can only miss 8 of them. ha...i'm not gonna make it forever!!!

ok...i'll study for it. i hpoe i'll be able to drive till august. i really want to drive! if i can drive, i can go to any place i want to like...star bucks or jumba juice (<--well, i don't know where it is, though), or...shopping!! ya, i can go shopping, too. hehe..i'm getting excited!! besides, i'm drinking sprite right now!! i drink sprite when i'm mad or so happy(like right now!!) well, i don't drink sprite when i'm sad, though (^^;). ya..anywayz,oh, shoot. no more sprite. gotta go get another glass!! =D

P.S.haha..it become hella long today...if u fed up with reading such a long diary, go back to the one which i wrote about getting burned my face of finger.it mush be fun! =)