Dear Diary...



Jun. 27th, 2001


i had a terrible dream last night. ..no, last evening,or afternoon? well, anywayz..i was taking a nap after i got home from summer school. and the dream, it was awful. let me tell what i had. in my dream, i was with my bestfriends who are now in japan. masae, aya, and tomomi. i really trust them,and i know they trust me(rite, guys?) becuz we are friends. friendship's never, ever gonna break! i know that. but... im my dream, my friends left me behind...left me alone. i really got confused. they..left me? no way!! they don't do that!! but actually,they left not only me but also ..themselves. i mean...they all went to the different directions. they all went to the different future...(i know it's gonna happen eventually, but ..) they didn't even try to look at each other! can u believe that!? that was too much for me...and after i woke up from the horrible dream, i suddenly recognized that i really had missed them a lot! i felt like.. like "i wanna see them rite now!!" i haven't see them since december, when i went to japan by myself. i was really glad that they didn't change, then. their attitude, their voices... whateva. well, i don't doubt our friendships, but i really miss them now. wanna see them and..just wanna talk! but i know i can 't do that. and that kind of thought made me feel worse...lonelyness was trying to kill me last night and i couldn't defend myself from that. couldn't stop crying...

with having that uneasily feeling, i went to school today. didn't feel like studying at all. i just went to the class, sat on the chair, and heard what the teacher was saying. well, i actually didn't pay attention to her, though. i couldn't. the thought was in my head...
at night, i talked with my friend online, and...told him that i was so down becuz of the dream. i said i can't stand it...i mean lonelyness and missing my best friends. cuz i actually had no bestfriends since i came here. i tried to look for the one, but couldn't. and he told me if i have ever try to look for ones here in the united states. there is bunch on ppl who trust and care about me here,too. when i'm lonely and down, those ppl will be rite here to listen to me and talk to me and make me laugh... well, i thought to myself deeply. i thought i did have looked for...but well, i dunno. 'm so confused.he said my best friends won't let me be alone, and i believe so. cuz they are my BEST friends. but what he said was i have to look for ones here in america becuz i'm in here in america now. ya...i gottta understand that. i've tried to understadn that many times, but it was too hard for me. i was not ready for the changing yet. but the words from him actually changed me a little. he said i can call him any time so he can make me feel better when i'm sad or not feeling good while i'm here in america. GREAT!! i mean... fear and lonelyness i had been feeling wend away suddenly...just it went away all of a sudden. how it means to me!! i've got a best friend here in the u.s.! well, i don't know we are bestfriends or not, but it's sure that i got a person to talk who can listen to me seriously. but i consider him as one of my bestfriends cuz he is the one who encorages me. haha =D i can sleep with my this face --> =D tonight!!


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