Air date in Japan: November 28, 1999

Special Thanks to Dana's Ally McBeal Page, Tony Cianfaglione's ALLY McBEAL Episode Guide, Quips and Quotes from Ally McBeal (Season 2), Lyrics to Music on the Ally McBeal Show, Kumataro-san, Suzuki-san
　

[The unisex]

(John climbs up a stall door and looks over the top of the door into the stall. Richard is there, sitting on the toilet and reading a book.)

John: Richard.

Richard: John, good to see you. What's up?

John: (crawls over the door and into the stall.) Everything okay with you and Ling?

Richard: John, you're in my stall.

John: And Whipper. How is she?

Richard: John...

John: I'm going to kiss her.

Richard: Whipper?

John: Nelle.

Richard: (sighs.) And...

John: I'm fraught. You told me how much import Ling placed on that first kiss. And I'm concerned Nelle may do the same.

Richard: John, you're in my stall.

John: Could you... What were Ling's instructions specifically?

Richard: (sighs and stands up) The first thing is the head tilt.

John: What?

Richard: (tilts John's head.) The head tilt. Ling said it was bad to get nose to nose. Look at us, all this anxiety over a first kiss. In the bathroom like a couple of teenagers. Gay teenagers. My pants are down.

(Cut to Nelle standing in the unisex, smiling.)

Richard: The lips should be soft and poised. You wanna lick first.

John: What do you mean I wanna lick first?

Richard: You don't want to dry lip her.

(Elaine comes in.)

John: What about my secretion problem?

Richard: Make it straight.

(Elaine also starts listening to them.)

Richard: Concentrate. And hear the bells.

(The bells ring.)

Richard: Do you hear them?

John: I do. I think I do.

Nelle: I know I do.

(The bells stop.)

Elaine: Ding. Ding. Dong. Kiss.

John: Well, it was wrong to have popped in.

OPENING CREDITS

[The office complex]

(Ally is trying to get her cappuccino from Elaine.)

Elaine: Not until I get timesheets.

Ally: Timesheets are for real lawyers, Elaine. When do you see me actually work?

Elaine: That's funny. (Ally tries to get her cappuccino again, but fails.) Richard's getting new peeve, then he wants timesheets.

Ally: Okay, okay. I do the timesheets.

Elaine: And when you do...

Ally: (tries to get her cappuccino, but again fails.) Give it to me.

(A man exits the elevator with flowers. When Ally sees him, she gasps and falls to the floor behind the desk.)

Elaine: (looks over the desk.) What?

Ally: Bad date I had last night. Get rid of him. Quick!

(The man approaches Elaine.)

Elaine: Hello.

Fitzy: Hi.

Elaine: May I help you?

Fitzy: Is Allison in?

Elaine: Allison?

Fitzy: McBeal. I'm a suitor. Ross Fitzsimmons. Be a love and tell her Fitzy's here. (winks and puckers up.)

Elaine: Fitzy, how do I say this.

Fitzy: What?

Elaine: Uh, "Ally-son." She, umm, she died. It was awful but she, she was...

Fitzy: Is that her leg?

Elaine: What?

(Fitzy points at Ally's leg coming out from behind the desk.)

Elaine: Oh, yes. The police asked us not to move her. They're on their way over with the chalk. She was murdered, just.

(Fitzy tickles Ally's leg and she starts laughing.)

Fitzy: Nice game.

Elaine: Oh, Ally! You're alive.

Fitzy: Very funny. Very funny.

(Ally gets up.)

Elaine: Oh, I'm just glad to see that you're okay. (gives her a very slow kiss.)

Fitzy: And I'm not falling for that lesbian trick. Do you think you're the first woman I've ever courted who's pretended to be either dead or gay? Get in line.

(Ally seems to feel uncomfortable.)

Fitzy: Does this mean a bad date?

Ally: Well, Umm, Fitzy, uh...

Fitzy: You just judge people on looks, don't you?

Ally: I do not.

Fitzy: What about personality?

Ally: Great. Get one.

(Ally realizes a slip of the tongue and feels like she is getting small. Small Ally runs to Fitzy and jumps on his foot.)

Ally: I'm sorry.

[Cut to the moon with crickets chirping... actually the picture of the moon with the stereo in John's office]

(John is anxiously watching Stefan, who is lying on his back on the desk. Richard comes in.)

Richard: John, crickets?

John: He loves them. I always had them for Stefan on Thanksgiving with a little cranberry on the side. (turns off the stereo.)

Richard: Nuts?

John: He doesn't like nuts.

Richard: No, you. You're nuts. You got bug blasted out of the stereo. John, give it up. He's gone, a coma. This Thanksgiving he's the vegetable. Bygones.

(Nelle comes in.)

Nelle: Any change?

John: No. Could you both please leave? This doesn't help. (to Richard) You're callous and (to Nelle) you assaulted him at every move.

Nelle: I didn't assault him.

John: You threw him into the door.

Nelle: Wow, taking it off me.

John: You hit him with a file.

Nelle: What?

John: In the complex, you swatted him with a file.

Nelle: I didn't swat him. I defended myself.

John: You swatted him! (stands up.) You picked up a file (picks up a file.) and you... (shows exactly what Nelle did. At the same time, Stefan leaps up in the air. As a result, John swats Stefan, who splats against an open window on the other side of the room.)

Richard: Gone now.

(John is astounded.)

[The conference room]

(Billy and Georgia are meeting with a client.)

Ms. Poole: Feel free to go. I'm quite used to.

Billy: We don't mean to. It just...

(Cut to the client, who is a woman with orange skin.)

Ms. Poole: I'm orange.

Georgia: How did this...

Ms. Poole: Who knows. Some doctors said it's a reaction to the sun. Others claimed I ate too many carrots. Some said genetic predisposition. The thing is this is permanent and I lost my job because of it. People wanna stare at me when I walk down the street. What can I do? Children wanna be coiled(?) a little(子供がおびえてよける). What can I do? But I performed my job well. And I still get fired just because...

(Billy and Georgia don't know what to say.)

[The office complex]

(Ling comes into the office and walks straight to the Nelle's office. Elaine follows her.)

Elaine: Ling, hi, welcome.

Ling: (without looking at Elaine) My therapist told me to pay no mind to those who don't matter.

Elaine: Yes, but if you're looking for Nelle, she's in John Cage's office, not hers. (Ling stops walking and turns to face Elaine.) Also, if there is any way that I can help, I know you're hurt, and it's just that I wanna be a part of it.

Ling: You help just by being there, Elaine. Whatever my pain, I can take heart in not being you. (smiles.)

Elaine: (smiles, too.) That was very good. Did you know that you're my favorite vicious person in life? (turns back. Ling stops smiling.)

[John's office]

(John, Richard, and Nelle are looking at Stefan on the ledge.)

John: I see he's on the ledge and looks conscious.

(Ling joins in.)

Richard: Ling, hey.

John: Call the fire department.

Richard: They will rush over and send the choppers.

Nelle: Or can he climb back up?

John: No, he's afraid of heights.

Nelle: How can he be afraid of heights? He's a tree frog.  He's got sticky little hands and... (sees John's anxious face.) Never mind.

Ling: Give me a small box and some strings.  I'd better not to get a wart. (walks away.)

[Ally's office]

Renee: How do you say yes to a date?

Ally: I don't know. One second I'm kissing Elaine, and the next thing I know, I, um...

Renee: Where are you gonna go?

Ally: Hopefully a movie. Someplace dark with no talking. And you and Ben are coming to...

Renee: All no.

Ally: All yes. You're the reason that I met him, and the least you can do is...

Fitzy: (knocks the door.) Ally.

Renee: (whispering) See that? He can't even startle you.

Ally: Renee.

Fitzy: I, uh, brought you the itinerary.

Ally: Itinerary?

Fitzy: For our date. Hello.

Renee: (chuckling) You can't be... (grabs the memo he has.) Woo, karaoke!

Fitzy: (grabs the memo back.) I'm very good. (hands it to Ally.)

(Ally imagines she speeds out of her office.)

[John's office]

(Richard, Ling, Nelle and John are trying to get Stefan to hop into a box attached to a string so they can pull him into the room.)

John: (through a bullhorn) If you hop in the box, Stefan, we pull(?) you to safety(引き上げてあげるから). You have to trust me, Stefan. Trust!

Richard: How can he trust the world, John? He's been flushed, filed, smacked. He's an abused frog.

Ling: Maybe he's depressed. He looks like a jumper. Is he depressed?

John: (taking off the bullhorn.) I realize (the bullhorn makes feedback.) it is easy to locate a humor in this situation. I will appreciate you're not doing so.

Ling: Bite my head off.

Richard: Look, look! He's moving.

(Stefan begins moving toward the box and finally jumps into it.)

Ling: Got him. (pulls him to safety.) Give me some room.

John: Easy, easy.

Ling: He's annoying me!

Nelle: John.

Ling: There. Can we talk now?

John: (taking Stefan out of the box) You're alive. You're awake. You're back.

Ling: You're mental.

[The office complex]

(Whipper comes to the office.)

Elaine: (saying to herself) Excellent. (to Whipper) Whipper!

Whipper: Hi, Elaine.

Elaine: How are you? I heard about the incident. It sounded awful. If you ever need to talk...

Whipper: Yes, Elaine, that's exactly why I'm here, to extract a little comfort from you.(looking for Richard.)

Ling: The naked woman is here. (to Nelle) She's disguised in clothes.

Whipper: You know, we never officially met.

Nelle: What's going on?

Ling: This is the naked, nude thing I was telling you about. I saw her buttocks. They upset me. Look at her hair.

Richard: Whipper. What brings you? Hi.

Whipper: Hi.

Richard: You look great. Why? (pause) What's uh...

Whipper: Richard, I came to apologize for what happened.

Elaine: Wait, wait. Not everybody's here. Can I get Ally?

Whipper and Richard: Elaine!

Whipper: It was just very wrong at me. Here's your key. I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry, Richard. (leaves.)

Ling: I didn't hear an apology to me.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

[A courtroom]

Billy: (standing before the judge.) While I'm sure that there may be places in the south were customers refuse to see a black travel agent, does that make it okay to fire them?

Attorney: (also standing before the judge) I object to this case being likened to discrimination against African Americans.

Billy: I'm not doing that.

Attorney: You just did it.

Billy: The point I'm making is the law doesn't say you can't discriminate against blacks or yellows or reds. It says color. She was fired for being orange.

Judge Boyle: Are there more?

Billy: Excuse me?

Judge Boyle: Orange people.

Billy: I don't think that's relevant.

Judge Boyle: I always thought that one day people from another planet would land on earth and ask me to bestow them their civil rights. But I figured them to be green.

Billy: Your Honor!

Judge Boyle: People sometimes think I'm an alien. Behind my back they call me Yoda. I try to rise above it.

Billy: Your Honor, Ms. Poole is not an alien. She's an American asking you to say that it is not okay for her to be fired because of her skin color.

Judge Boyle: Will you step up here, young woman? (Ms. Poole walks up to the bench.) Let me see your teeth.

(Ms. Poole looks at Billy, who encourages her to go ahead. She does.)

[Ally's office overrun with lots of flowers]

Ally: How did it happen? You were there. How did it happen that I agreed to date him?

Elaine: Well, why did you date him first time?

Ally: Renee's friend fixed me up. I would call right now and call it off. But that would just fuel his passive aggressiveness. I'm just gonna go through with it. I'm gonna tell him that he had his chance and that's that.

Elaine: Ally, it's nice to be nice. I believe in being nice. But sometimes you gotta dump them. Give this guy the bin.

Ally: Thank you, Elaine. You're such a sage.

Elaine: There are some things I know. You pretended to be dead. I think he liked it. You gotta give him a straight, hard dump. It's the only thing these bastards understand.

[The courtroom]

Judge Boyle: So many conflicting thoughts have been spinning through my head. On the one hand, it is his business, on the other, firing somebody for skin color, added to which I personally think you are a very pretty color. (Ms. Poole looks pleased.) There have been many times I wished my own wife glowed in the dark, it would be easier for me to see what I was doing. (Some attendants laughs.) But this case is not about skin color, and I'm impotent. I mean the law is imminent to protect you.

(Judge Boyle inhales, closes his eyes, exhales, and doesn't move.)

Billy: Your Honor. Judge Boyle.

(His head hits the bench.)

Billy: Call the paramedics!

Someone: I'll do it!

(Billy, Georgia, Ms. Poole, and the other attorney all rush to the bench.)

Billy: Your Honor! Judge Boyle! Happy! (no response) Call the paramedics! Damn it!

Someone: We're on it!

Georgia: (checking his pulse) He's got no pulse.

Billy: What do you mean he's got no pulse? (checks his pulse, too.)

Georgia: I think he's dead.

Billy: He can't be. (realizes he's got no pulse.) Yes, he is! He's dead!

Attorney: Who won? (tries to lift up his head off his notes to see who won.)

Georgia: HEY! (stops him.)

[A Chinese restaurant]

Richard: (on the cellular phone) Dead dead? Oh, my god. Which way did he rule? (to John and Nelle) Happy Boyle. Bygone. (hangs up the phone.)

Nelle: Why did he die?

Richard: I don't know. He said he was impotent. Bom. (to John) Soysauce?

John: I liked Happy Boyle. I'd like to take a moment.

Richard: Absolutely.

(John and Richard close their eyes and put their fingers on the bridge of their nose. Nelle and Ling do the same. While they are doing it, a waiter comes to the table.)

Waiter: Cooked bad?

(Four of them open their eyes.)

Ling: Uh, everything's fine. Somebody's dead.

John: Ling, could they perhaps feed Stefan? Maybe just a little lettuce or something. He's giving me a look of famish.

(Ling interprets what John said into Mandarin. The waiter nods, saying something in Mandarin.)

John: And bring him right back. He suffers a little separation anxiety.

(The waiter nods, saying something in Mandarin. John is worried if the waiter understands.)

[A karaoke bar]

(Fitzy is singing "Puppy Love." Renee watches him. Ally is stunned.)

Ally: What?

Renee: What.

Ally: Judge Boyle died.

Renee: (stops chuckling.) He did?

Ally: That's a tragedy, right? We should leave.

(Ally and Renee leave the karaoke bar. Fitzy is still singing, just watching them leaving.)

[A court corridor]

(Billy and Georgia are telling an officer what happened. Judge Boyle's body is on a stretcher. His face is covered with a white cloth. )

Officer: Did he grab his chest or anything?

Billy: No. He was giving his ruling. Then it looks like he was falling asleep. He just closed his eyes and his head dropped.

(Whipper runs in.)

Whipper: Billy.

Billy: He just went. He was there, then he was gone.

Whipper: (to the officer.) Can I see him? We were friends.

(The officer nods. Whipper walks over to him and pulls the sheet off his face.)

Whipper: Why did you go and do this, Happy? You shouldn't have done this.

(Billy looks so nervous.)

Georgia: Are you okay?

Billy: (pause) Yeah.

[The Chinese Restaurant]

John: The thing about him. He never struck me as happy.

Richard: He was happy. He just didn't look it(?)（それはね、見せなかっただけ。). People thought he was grump so he nicknamed himself "happy" to compensate. Smart little guy.

John: Ling, could you ask him to bring Stefan back. He has some separation problems.

Ling tells the waiter, in Mandarin, that the "strange one misses" the frog. The waiter responds. Ling asks something. The waiter explains something. Ling asks something loudly. The waiter talks back frantically.

Richard: What's going on?

Ling: He's going to be taking a big moment. That's all I can say.

(Ling and the waiter continue to argue.)

Richard: What's going on?

Ling: The bad news is Stefan is back. The good news is he's delicious. Tastes like chicken.

(Everyone but Ling stops eating.)

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

[The Chinese Restaurant]

(John's plate is covered with a monogrammed handkerchief. Ling and the waiter stand to the side and continue arguing. Other customers in the restaurant start paying attention to the argument.)

[Billy's office]

Ally: I didn't even know him really. So, so, why don't we miss him so much?

Billy: Because there was something there. Every other judge sits there, so... I don't know, so cold. Happy Boyle. Something human there.

Ally: I remember my first time.

[Cut to the scene when Ally showed her teeth for the first time]

Judge Boyle: Let me see your teeth.

Ally: I beg your pardon?

Judge Boyle: Hygiene is important in this court. Show me your teeth.

(Ally shows her teeth.)

Billy: I remember my first time, too. It's my second trial. I'm so nervous. I overdid it. I can't believe he's gone.

Georgia: I never knew that you cared so much about him.

Billy: Neither did I.

(Ally walks out and finds Fitzy.)

Ally: Fitzy.

Fitzy: Umm, did I miss something?

Ally: Uh, I'm sorry, but somebody I knew died and I ...

Fitzy: So you ran out to get some chalk?

Ally: Look, I was gonna call and ...

Elaine: Okay, Fitzy. Time for us to have a little chat. (pulls him into Ally's office.) I'm a person who throws herself at men, figuring once in a while something's got to stick. I play the game. I know the game. I enjoy the game. Especially when I compete just a little out of my league, like you're doing here. But I also have the sense on those occasions that I do go splat not to get up and hurl myself again. There's a difference between losing and being a loser, who, on some unconscious level seeks out defeat. That's what you're doing with Ally, and it's time to stop and take a very big bite out of reality. Look at Ally. Is she not beautiful? Is she not smart? Is she not sophisticated? Is she not all those things, Fitzy? I want you to walk out of this office, go home and write yourself a letter starting, 'Dear Fitzy, What were you thinking?'. Now go.

(Fitzy leaves.)

Elaine: That's the way to dumb somebody, Ally.

[Cut to the scene in Whipper's reminiscence]

(Whipper was doing her work in her chamber. Happy Boyle walked in and started taking off his robe in front of her.)

Whipper: Wrong chambers again, Happy.

Happy: Oh, damn. I don't know why I came walking in a door too soon. One of those days, I'm up here coming in and catch you naked.

Whipper: Yeah, you just ask to see my teeth. Good catching up with you, Happy.

[Whipper's chamber]

Richard: (comes in.) Hey.

Whipper: (back to reality) Hey.

(Richard laughs. Whipper smiles.)

Whipper: I am sorry.

Richard: Forget about it. I only wished I had walked in. Ling said you looked incredible.

Whipper: You know, he used to come in here by mistake three times a week. He picked the wrong door. Then we talked for an hour, sometimes two. He talked all about his cases, you know, all about all the characters that would appear before him that day. I'm gonna miss him.

Richard: Me, too. (looking at Happy's picture) If I was ever going to have a homosexual experience, look at that wattle. (laughs.)

Whipper: Richard, your clergy friend Mark. Could I borrow his chapel? Happy's memorial's kinda been left to me.

Richard: I'll ask him. I'm sure that'll be okay.

Whipper: Thanks.

Richard: Everything (pause) would otherwise be okay?

Whipper: Sure.

Richard: People come, people go, huh?

Whipper: Seem so.

[John's office]

(John is dancing.)

Nelle: Hey. I just came in to disparage you. Kidding. Any reason your hopping about?

John: It's an advanced form of my smile therapy. I'm using physical optimism to induce emotional well-being.

Nelle: Ah. Sit.

John: I rather not...

Nelle: Sit. (John nods. They both sit down on a couch.) His number was up, John. The toilet, the door, the window, (pause) the chopsticks. He called his number. We don't know why God does some of the things he does. His ways are mysterious. All we know for sure is He seems to hate frogs as much as I do.

John: (begins his therapy smile.) Could I be alone?

Nelle: (smiling) Sure. (gets up to leave. John stops smiling.) For what it's worth, I didn't find him delicious at all. I thought he was a little tough. (leaves.)

(John starts to giggle. Ally comes in.)

Ally: John?

John: First, the toilet. (imitates the sound of flush and giggles.) Then, he fights his way back up into the bowl only to find, well, I mean you know.

Ally: Unfresh...

John: (giggles.) Then Nelle and Georgia play a game of catch with ???? well, the door ??? (そしたらドアにビシッ、ズルズルっと。)and splat and there are little legs twitching. (giggles. Ally chuckles a little, too. John stands up.) And then the chest compression. Richard did it with this two little... And the respirator. (imitates the sound of respirator and bursts into laughter as well as Ally.) Then I thought he's never gonna come back when the doctor says it doesn't happen for 24 hours. He's in a coma for a week! (giggles. Ally giggles, too.) No, he doesn't give up. He battles on. He battles his way back to consciousness. And then I launch him out of the window. (giggles.)

Ally: Then Ling gets him with a little box. (giggles.)

John: Then we are glad to celebrate. And we eat him! (giggles.)

Ally: He's dead now, boy.

John: Oh, he is so dead. And now we are laughing.

Ally: Chop Suey Frog.

John: (suddenly gets serious.) No, you're laughing. My best little friend's dead and you're laughing. He's lucky. He's gone. You know, that's 'cause people are SICK. They just laugh at the tragedy. (gets excited.) Stefan was too good for this world, boy! Yeah, he's lucky to be gone! (leaves and slams the door.)

[Ally and Renee's]

(At night, Renee is sitting on a couch, reading a magazine. Ally comes out of her bedroom.)

Ally: The world is just made up of weird people.

Renee: You're just figuring that out?

Ally: Well, why don't they tell us? I mean these kids. Why don't they like to tell us in the kindergarten people are odd? Then, at least, we wouldn't feel so bad about growing up being strange ourselves. And maybe we would be more tolerant and open-minded about the strange.

Renee: Where's this going?

Ally: Well... (sighs.) It, it... You think that I was too quick to judge Fitzy?

Renee: Excuse me?

Ally: Well, think about it. He can't be any stranger than John Cage, or Richard Fish, or Happy Boyle with tooth fetish. He was really beloved, Renee.

Renee: By who?

Ally: By everybody who knew him. I mean, even me. I, I... Well, it, it hurts that he's gone. Don't ask me why. I... Don't... Won't you miss him?

Renee: Yeah. What's this got to do with Fitzy?

Ally: I'm just saying... (sighs.) I don't know what I'm saying. I'm saying that we're brainwashed into believing that the best people are normal and attractive, and maybe they're NOT. John Cage isn't and Happy Boyle's... maybe they are the real nuggets. And maybe we're missing out, skipping over all the Fitzies. I mean, look at us! Clearly, we're missing out on something... (holds her head in her hands and walks to her bedroom.)

[Cut to Judge Boyle talking to jury]

Judge Boyle: Members of jury, our witness has a small piece of spinach caught in an incisor. When the oral decay starts to build up between the tooth and gum, bacteria start to build up colonies.  Even the most nutritious vegetable can turn into a Vietnam.

[Cut to Billy's face]

(Georgia and Billy lie in bed.)

Georgia: What are you thinking about?

Billy: Uh, Happy. You know, he used to invite me to lunch now and then, and I always wanted to go, and I always ended up postponing.

Georgia: Do you think you reschedule him to death?

Billy: That isn't very funny, Georgia.

Georgia: Billy? He was a wacky little judge from USTAS. What's this about?

Billy: It's about he's dead. He's gone.

Georgia: Like your dad's gone?

Billy: What? Happy Boyle was just somebody I knew, Georgia. He's hardly a father figure.

Georgia: You and your dad... You're always planing to get together tomorrow, next week, next month, and suddenly he died?

Billy: It isn't about that. I'm just talking about Happy Boyle. He was a good guy. This isn't about my father.

Georgia: Okay.

CUT TO COMMERCIAL

[Richard office]

Ling: Why do you have to go to the funeral?

Richard: The least we can do is to honor the deads, if we don't do it for livings.

Ling: It's because that naked, big haired woman is doing the eulogy.

Richard: Ling...

Ling: Don't "Ling" me!

Richard: Happy Boyle. We loved him. We wanna say good-bye.

(John comes in.)

Richard: John.

John: Richard, Ling, (turns aside and bends over slightly.) Do these make my B-U-T-T look bigger?

Richard: (to Ling) A big date with Nelle tonight. (to John) I think they are fine. (to Ling) They are fine, right?

(Ling doesn't say anything.)
 
 

[The office complex]　

(Ally is walking towards her office.)

Elaine: I have news on Fitzy.

Ally: (doesn't stop walking.) Oh God, now what? (opens the door and finds Fitzy right beside the door. Ally and Fitzy screams.)

Elaine: He's in your office.

Ally: Thank you, Elaine.

Fitzy: I just came I say sorry.

Ally: Oh, uh...

Fitzy: Can we talk? Do you have a second? It won't take long.

Ally: Sure. Could you excuse us for a minute, Elaine?

Elaine: Certainly.

Fitzy: Okay. One second...

(Elaine pinches Ally's forearm, pushes Fitzy into the office and closes the door.)

Ally: You hurt my rotator cuff.

Elaine: Listen to me. These mobs don't give up. Show him the BIN!

Ally: Elaine!

Elaine: Don't "Elaine" me. I know these guys. The BIN, Ally.

(Ally goes into the office and closes the door.)

Ally: Ah, Fitz...

Fitzy: I never meant to make you fell uncomfortable. Well, my favorite story in life is "Beauty and Beast." And something told me that you might share the same sense of romance. I'm just sorry we never got that dance.

Ally: You're TRYING again.

Fitzy: Excuse me?

Ally: Elaine's right. You're taking one last shot with Disney.

Fitzy: The thing is I just get the sense that underneath it all you're a woman who prioritizes, you know, SEX. Despite of my apparent shortcomings I think things would let up for you.

Ally: Fitz.

(Cut to the dump truck starting to dump the trash bin into the back of the truck.)

Ally: You may be a really great guy, and it may be true that I should take the time to discover whether or not you are a really great guy.

Fitzy: Uh-huh.

(Cut to the dump truck lifting up the trash bin)

Ally: But I'm not gonna take that time. I never wanna see you again.

(Cut to the dump truck dumping the trash bin, out of which Fitzy starts falling. But he's holding on.)

Ally: Ever.

(Cut to the dump truck dumping the trash bin, out of which Fitzy isn't falling yet)

Ally: EVER!

(Cut to the dump truck finally dumping Fitzy)

Fitzy: (walks to the door and stops.) It's too bad. Something told me you might be the one.

Ally: Not everybody gets the one.

(Fitzy opens the door. It turns out that Elaine was listening through the door. Fitzy leaves.)

[The unisex]

(Ling is making up in front of the mirror. Nelle comes in.)

Nelle: Come on. We are late. It's already started.

Ling: Just a second. I'm not perfect.

Nelle: Ling, it's funeral. There is only one show.

Ling: And why are you even going? We didn't know the corps. I have a line...

Nelle: We are going out of respect to our friends who did know him.

Ling: (finally agrees to go.) Oh, please. Problems with our friends who care about little people. It's demeaning!

[The church]

(Whipper is giving the eulogy at Judge Happy Boyle's funeral.)

Whipper: He'd say with a face like a clown, besides the circus, or the legal system, and there is way too much tooth decay under the big top. He's so sweet. He used to wander to my office. Every now and then he claimed by mistake, but it was never by mistake. No. One thing about Happy Boyle. He had a certain radar for people who can maybe use(?) some company(お気楽ボイルならではの、レーダーでわかったんです。誰が自分のことを求めているか。). (Nelle and Ling arrive late.) I once asked him, "Happy, what would you like legacy to be?" And he said by the time he died, he just hoped that it would have mattered that he lived. And judging from this room today... (starts crying and laughs.) I don't know why I'm crying. I knew him, but I didn't know him, you know that well. I...

(Billy stands up and walks over to Whipper.)

Whipper: Excuse me, thank you.

Billy: (takes over.) I didn't know him that well, either. And I think many of us here were caught off guard by the void he's left. And little that I did know, I'm left with a feeling... This was the person we should have taken the time to know better. And that makes the hurt somehow worse the sense that he's gone before we could... (stops speaking, looks at Happy's picture for a while, and starts smiling.) He made us smile, didn't he? There are three things we could do to make Happy happy. First, go home today and give a call to somebody you should have called yesterday and tell him how you feel about him. Second, go to lunch with somebody you'd like to know a little more than you do. And third, the man lying there, show him your teeth.

(Everyone smiles and laughs, and shows their teeth. The older people take their false teeth out of their mouths and hold them up. Lisa stands up and starts singing.)

[On their way to Nelle's apartment]

John: It was the best funeral I've ever attended.

Nelle: Really? Why?

John: I'm not sure. Maybe what he was or something needed celebration...

Nelle: Is this celebrating to Stefan?

John: As sympathetic as you have been, you didn't get it with me and Stefan, did you?

Nelle: No. I got it that it was important to you. The reason I (pause) don't need to get.

John: Why can't people understand me being drawn to a frog?

Nelle: Well, people just don't understand the attractions sometimes, do they?

(They arrive at the bottom of the steps to Nelle's apartment.)

Nelle: Do you wanna come in?

John: Not tonight. Another time, perhaps. (starts stuttering.) Lalalala, Poughke, poughke, Lake George.

Nelle: If you're not coming in, we should probably say good-night here?

John: I just wanna thank... through... You have been a piller of support...

Nelle: I'm sorry but I'm not gonna wait for you to kiss me any more. Call me a tramp. (kisses him for a while.) You think we can do that again sometime?

John: Sure.

Nelle: Goodnight.

John: Goodnight.

(Nelle enters her apartment. John begins walking away, then starts dancing down the street.)