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Why am I annoying people...? It's my terrible habit and I know I have to quit.I "say" I don't talk to anybody that annoying you,but though,I want them to hear me. I want to be cared honestly. I know,I'm just selfish. I want to be alone but I can't stand to be alone at the same time.I don't even know what it is,I don't even know how I feel,I don't even know anything myself. What should I do now? Cry? Going insane? Bleeding and watch that going down? I'm sick,I know. |
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2003年09月02日 22時23分07秒
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There's this one,you already know that fact. And the one may have found another one,doesn't care about me at all. I know I don't have the right to say anything about it. But I'm so sad as hell.I feel I'm dying and actually my heart is.Or maibe it's dead already. I know I'm already rejected and I'm "nobody" to him. Right,I'm nobody... |
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2003年08月28日 13時57分10秒
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The most important thing for me,for my life is love. What an irony,that maybe the only thing I can't have.I can't buy it with money,I can't have it by loving,it's just going and going on,not coming in. But I know. I know why I can't be loved. I'm too way far from inspicious,people get comfused,how I am or if I am insane or whatever,and dump me and go away from me.They don't care how I'd be since then,I'd be already the past one for them.I become garbage. I could be so happy to see who I love eventhough just a minute a day,a week,a month or any.But He or they don't me allow me to do.But I don't blame them,it's my fault. People don't want to see this crazy girl,well,usually... I'm not acceptable for people or even for the world out there,too difficult survive it and live through. Maybe I should give up on it. |
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2003年07月27日 01時18分20秒
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Why am I like this? I hate me,I cannot stand me.Is there any reason I have to stand? They are right,I am addicted to the thought of death and I am too weak. If they are angry at me so much,I cannot stand to live here. |
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2003年06月22日 19時11分37秒
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Why am I feeling like this? I think I'm dying,getting erased from this world. But noone will be botherd by that,and noone cares.Who would notice it's me,the body is me? Nobody would.Not him,not her,not them. My body will be just getting rotten and smelly,and I will hear them laughting beyond the ground. Wheather or not I'm alive or dead,nothing would change.They have fun,I'm alone and crying. The river will be not dry ever. |
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2003年06月15日 15時58分15秒
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What's going on with me? It can't happen,can't help thinking about both of those two at the same time. I'm not such purson...I guess. Once one of them appear,I get into him deadly...and he always gets gone.And I get terribly sad and realise to be alone. Such thing happens and happens,doesn't matter I hope not this much. I hate to be alone.I know how sad to be alone more than anybody.Cuz I'm always alone. I just wish to be kept someone's arms and feeling releaf,that's all I want,but though,it never happens. My wishes,never come true. |
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2003年06月08日 22時06分30秒
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I'm so tired,maybe too tired. Too tired to live,to love,to bleath. Why am I continuing to live and love?I don't even know why. Those things just make me sad and tired of crying.I lose energy to stand. I just want to love him and be loved.That's all my hope,never come true though. |
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2003年05月05日 02時33分04秒
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Why do I adore so much...? I adore love,I adore to be myself,even I adore death as well. I'd better die otherwise I can't take and stand this world not being loved. You shouldn't know such world,it's just the hell.You'd wish to die in there but you aren't even brave to kill yourself.You struggle and struggle,and what you'd get is just tons of loneliness you can't stand. Don't cry for the loneliness you have,it must be usual for me. Spend a night alone? That's everyday for me. Cry in your bed at late night? So do I everyday. I'm sick and tired to cry,almost forgot to cry cuz every sad thing is an usual thing for me. I got used to be sad and now I feel nothing. I wouldn't wish for it though.I can't help. |
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2003年04月23日 22時39分35秒
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I hate to be alone. I need someone to be with,to be comforted,otherwise I'd die. But on the other hand,I hate people,the thought I wanna be alone for now,still exists in my side. Love must be the greatest thing in the world,but unfortunately,it's the saddest thing for me. Love always rejects me and makes me alone,lonely.I already got used to it,I didn't wanna though. I'm not even sure about love,I even don't know love.Because I've never loved. I love and love,loved and loved,but what did I get from it? Just loneliness I've had have. It's so painful,and killing me. |
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2003年04月21日 22時37分56秒
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Nobody, Nobody cares about me,Nobody would love me,Nobody knows that I exist,I'm here. Who cares about what I say,what I scream,what I write righthere? I'm the only purson to know the answer,nobody does. If I bleed,all I can do is that let it go until I die.When I can't go asleep,all I can do is that thinking until I go insane. The world is all that,I don't belong to it anymore,I'm even not allowed to. He said that I'm dying inside.Somewhat he's right about that,actually I'm dead already,mentally or physically,whatever. But who cares? It must be better for him or them. |
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2003年04月19日 23時57分22秒
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It's raining now...raining so hard. I'm just comfusing but rain is bothering me to think.That the one of the reasons I hate it. Raindrops fall down to me,my heart and make a hole. My right thoughts go through from the hole and only wrong thoughts are left in me. I wish rain washes out my heart,but it doesn't.Just make it dirty with the dirt that comes with it. |
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2003年04月13日 22時44分53秒
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Once I get into love,I feel like I could die or him. I've been feeling like that now,I can die for him.On the other hands,I've been feeling like I've been killing so slowly by him. Slowly,it means lots of pain,and it started when I became in love with him.It's been so long.I don't think I can stand with this pain for good,that means I'm gonna die. Live through this shitty life with this pain,or die and runaway from the suffer,that's the only choice I got. I'd think I prefer to die,and live in heaven without any suffer.Cuz I'm such weak. Whoever I ask,they'd say that'd be the better choice.I can't win in the love,no matter what I do,fight with the girl.No contest. |
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2003年04月13日 22時01分39秒
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Love is painful,but that's one thing you can't give up or forget. How much you struggle,you can't have the love you've been longing. He's in love with somebody else,you said you're nobody.Somewhat you accept it,somewhat you can't accept it.Whatever you're said,you can't help thinking about him.But that's painful and all,you should stop that.Whatever it effects you,even make you dead. You're such purson. |
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2003年04月13日 20時42分44秒
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Why do people love people? Love makes me hurt,cumfused,rejected,that's all about love for me. But I can't help loving him anyway... Why...? I don't even know. Love is painful,but the world without love is empty. I can't live without love anyway...I know it hurts me though. |
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2003年04月06日 22時00分23秒
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Do you know the reason to live? Or do you have one? I have no clue and got tired of struggle for it. |
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2003年03月30日 22時15分16秒
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