Anecdotes
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
George Burns
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I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in
the carburettor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
Henny Youngman
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
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My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself
two girlfriends.
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young Son: Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
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A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he
received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
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A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
"A billionaire." she replied,
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A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've
found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? Sympathy?"
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Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
(T's comment; this is politically
incorrect!)
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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
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A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful
house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM! it
was
all gone!".
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."
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Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking they had no faults at all.
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A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he
wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man
thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."
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Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
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How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
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The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
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First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.
eod/
