Thursday 13 March, 2003

BGM: Beethoven,Piano Trio "Archduke, Op.97"by Istonim-Stern-Rose Trio

French, it's difficult to speak.

To win the girl's heart, it's difficult to achieve, too.

BUT

To win the girl's heart by speaking French, how is it? Difficult or not?



le vendredi 7 mars, 2003

I just started to write e-mail in French when I send ones to French speaking friends (though I have only two friends who speak French as the first language).When I ran into her I asked how my e-mail was. She said, "ummm, let's correct together." It seems my French has a long way to go.


Feb. 09, 2003

Meaningless findings of the last week:

Tylenole Flu is not effective to just a cold.
I met Mutsumi Takahashi (a news caster here) again on the way to university.
I should have seen a movie "Quatre cent coup ("Adults Just Don't Understand" in Japanese)" when I was 15 years old.
According to my French friend, les quartre cent coups means tons of naughty things you did when you were early teens.
Dancing tango is fun.
But it takes two to tango.



Feb. 04, 2003

Charlie Biddle passed away. He was a famous jazz musician who won many prizes for a life long achievement in the jazz culture here. It was two weeks ago when I heard a news that he was a terminal cancer which could not be expected to cure. Newscasters suggested audiences to go to his house with candles in order to show him how much he had been loved by so many people. He would be able to see candles outside of windows in his bedroom. I thought it would be nice to know how much I was loved by many people if I were about to die.

What strikes my heart when I lived in a western country is that death is social as well as personal. In other words, people in western countries try to socialize personal death by sharing sorrow and memories. You can find an obituary of an ordinary person written by his/her families, relatives and friends when you read a newspaper. The obituaries describe the life of the dead person: when and where he/she was born; how he/she spent his/her life; what he/she achieved in his/her life; and how he/she was loved and people loved him/her. Nothing negative is found in the obituary. What is important is that those memories of his/hers are very personal. If you allow me to tell a fact as cool as cucumber, there is nothing to do with us because we do not know the person. Nevertheless, you can find an obituary every day in a newspaper. Why do they write a obituary on a nation-wide subscribed newspaper?

Through describing sorrow of the loss of the one they loved and recollecting their memories, their feelings are shared. Sharing the feeling of the loss leads to the socialization of the death. In a society where the socialization of death are common, the death of a person is no longer a personal death. A person is not allowed to die personally. But I can't help stopping casting a dubious thought: Would I be happy if I couldn't die personally?

I found through my experience that every funeral is a social institution even in Japan where death of a person is not socialized like in a western society. People at funerals share sorrow and memories of the dead. But this is very different from the socialization of death. Japanese people do not share sorrow and memories of the dead whom they do not know personally. In this sense death is not socialized in Japan. It's even rude and hypocritical in Japan if you express sorrow to the loss of persons whom you don't know well. It's irresponsible to show superficial sympathy and grief and to pretend that you have the same feeling with the survived. That's why I can't fully be sympathized by the socialization of death. Am I a cold-blood, heartless barbarian? I wonder. But I want to die personally when I die. At the same time, I want to know how much I am loved by a girl I love. Not when I die, but Now. A single girl is enough. I beg her tenderness.

This is my tenderness
by Tanikawa Shuntaro

May I think about young leafs outside windows?
And about the blue sky over there?
May I muse over eternity and nothingness
When you are about to die?

When you are about do die
Will you allow me not to think of you?
Further and Further away from you
May I think of a lover who is alive?

It surely leads to thinking of you
May I believe like this?
May I be strong enough like that?
Owing to you



Jan. 30, 2003

I still felt sick in the morning. Skipped the class again. I got better in the afternoon and ate the first meal today. Living alone in my thirty-something means accepting a situation I eat fast/junk food when I am sick.


Jan. 29, 2003

I felt fever with a pain in my throat, dry cough and nasal congestion in the morning. I skipped the Chinese language class. I stayed in bed a whole day and toyed with an illusion that I danced Tango (whose steps I learned yesterday) perfectly with a beautiful girl who has no name.


Jan. 28, 2003

I felt cold during studying in Library. I thought I shouldn't have attended the dance class this evening. After the dance class, I took Tylenol (popular medicine in Canada) then went to bed early.


Jan. 26, 2003

What happened today:

a hot water tank made noise in the middle of the night;
a landlady came(12h25).
a plumbing under the floor leaked(13h45);
I fell into a hole (literally)(13h58);
City water service came and stopped water supply(14h38);
a landlady irritated because no plumber came to repair(15h42);
because it was Sunday;
I almost gave up having water (hot and cold) tonight(16h59);
Service persons from Hydro helped her find a plumber(17h30);
she surprisingly spoke French(17h33);
we eventually got water(19h47);
I recognized that mochi is delicious(21h43).

Thought du jour: Every man to his trade (mochi wa mochi-ya).



01/20/2003

BGM: Shang Shang Taihoon, "The Saury, sweet or salty?"

I went to the China Town after a long time interval. I found Samma, the fish which was frozen and packed. Inexpensive. Four dollars for three pieces. I wanted it. But how I cook it? Baking fish is difficult without a fish pan. I should have bought a fish pan for an electric stove when I found one during my stay in Japan. I extremely regretted. I missed a baked samma with salt. I was sorry. Here is a conversation with fish at that time.

I: I am sorry.
Fish: I understand what you feel. But I feel happy.
I: Why do you feel happy?
Fish: Because I am saury.
I: Do you feel happy because you are sorry?
Fish: Yes, I do.
I: I don't understand. It's impossible to feel happy while you are sorry.
Fish: Do you think it's impossible to feel happy because I am saury?
I: Yes, I do.
Fish: How arrogant!
I: What? Who are you?
I: I am saury.

I wonder how wasteful it is to imagine a conversation like this.



2002/12/19

In our final exam students were expected to answer the following bonus question: "Imagine that you lived under a socialist regime as we talked about them in our course. What would you have done, if you were approached by someone you did not know to sign a petition that was critical to the government? Say, why you would have taken this particular decision." The professor asked students to answer this question because she originally came from East Germany.

A model answer could be based on the fact that people living in a socialist regime were monitored by the secret police like the "BIG BROTHER" in Orwell's famous novel "1984". Many students answered they would not have signed the petition. 5 % of the students claimed that they bravely would have signed it. The followings are nicely creative and astonishingly imaginative answers that entertained me while grading:

I would signed it because my own safety is much less important to me than the necessity of sticking to my beliefs.

I would not have signed the petition because my behavior is based on rational choice. In a socialist regime, not-signing the petition maximizes the expected utility because once you signed the petition you could be punished.

I would not have signed it. As Mancur Olson's logic collective action tells us, I will choose a position of "free rider" rather than brave resistance.

I would not have signed it. However I am very grateful for those who in turn would have the guts to stand up to this oppression. It's a good thing everyone is not like me.

I would not have signed. Rather, I would have singed a name of a person I don't like, at most.

I would not have singed it. I am a chicken.

Run away and hide.




2002/12/09

I am going to be a grading machine of the Final Exam for a week or more.You might not remember this, but I am a Teaching Assistant, as the title of this diary suggests.You might expect something different when I up-date this diary, but that's asking too much. Ciao.


2002/11/26

Just for Laugh



Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this today after Hu Jintao was named chief ofthe Communist Party in China.

HU'S ON FIRST

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)

George(who lives in Washington,D.C.): Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi(who is a foreign policy adviser of George): Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?


2002/11/20

A girl approached to me after the Chinese class. She spoke to me using Chinese phrases, which we had learned in the class. "Are you a Japanese?" "Yes, I am a Japanese," I also said in Chinese. "I am a French. I study Japanese. Do you want to study French?" "Yes, I do." We would be going to make a language exchange each other. She teaches me French, I teach her Japanese. As you realize reading this diary everyday(even though I do not up-date it every day...sorry and thanks), I have had several opportunities to get acquainted with not a few girls for the last three months: a girl upstairs(whose husband is in Senegal), her friend (we went to a concert), J's friend (she is an adviser of my love affair), a Taiwanese girl (with whom I make a Chinese-Japanese language exchange) and this French girl. Of course you have to count the my-favorite-mistake-girl. What the hell are happening with me? Take care, my foolish heart. Don't flatter myself.

*****

I called the my-favorite-mistake-girl this evening. Of course in French (for the first time).

"Allo?"(Hello?)
"Bonjour. Est-ce que je peux parle avec Axxx?"(Hello. Can I speak with Axxx?)
"C'est moi!"(It's me!)
"Bonjour Axxx. C'est TK" (Hello Axxx. This is TK.)
"Ca va?" (How are you?)
"Ca va bien. Et toi?.......c'est fini" (I am fine, and you?.....it's done)
"Hahaha. Beautiful French. Very good. How can you do that?"

Then I got what I wanted: an appointment for a dinner date.

*****

Sorry, my friend (particularly those who can speak French much much more fluently than me). I am a man who tries to win a girl's heart by fair means or foul. Am I wrong?



2002/11/18

It snowed today. The snow accumulation was over 30 centimeters. My strong recommendation to you: Do not live in the ground floor in a snowy country. Shovelling snow makes you fed up

.....my dearest readers surely blame me for this simple repetition of diary. You might say that sato-take's diary are going to be terminated if he just repeats a story of the snow shovelling. If you think like this even in a slight moment, I would say YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. Lend me your ears. I got up at 6:30 in the morning for snow shovelling. Can you imagine that you witness 30-centimeter-snow when you open the door? Remember it's still November. It took me more than 40 minutes to shovel snow and clear a way to the sidewalk. OK. Snow on the shovel is not so heavy because snow in this country is not so wetly as in Japan. Yes. I have to admit I thought that's going to be fun at the beginning. But ten minutes are fairly enough to make you feel as if you were dancing "Tanko-bushi" the Bon-odori. Much worse, you are alone. Furthermore, you are dancing Tanko-bushi in a country where no one else knows that. Additionally what is a pity is that I sang the Tanko-bushi without any second thoughts. Who am I? Am I Oyaji? Shovelling snow is, my friend, a lonely business even though a cute high-school girl on her way to school smiled and said bon jour to me. And, if you allow me to add last words, my apartment has a huge backyard for another snow shovelling.

Now Urgent Notice: I am looking for a person who is interested in shovelling snow. You can get: free accommodation, free breakfast, dinner service (pay as you eat but no need to cook), free tour guide etc. You just give me: your horse power for the unpaid exploitation. Please call: weetnufnufununnufsis.

******

By the way, a personal inquiry to J. What is an "unforgettable story" which is reminded by the beer advertisement "Winter Story"? It's going to make you feel relief if you dare to tell me.



2002/11/17

It snowed today. The snow accumulation was over 10 centimeters. My strong recommendation to you: Do not live in the ground floor in a snowy country. Shovelling snow makes you fed up



2002/11/13

I don't know how to say. It's about the my-farourite-mistake-girl. We went to see a movie this evening. I couldn't keep my eyes off her brown eyes which were moving like a small attractive animal while we had a chat over coffee after the movie. In a metro on the way home she asked me whether I would stay in MMM (where I live) during Christmas. I said yes. She then asked me whether I would be busy for studying. I said, "No. I have to relax." "Maybe you can come to QCITY (her hometown). I will be there during Christmas," she said. How can I interpret these words? Does she just feel that I am a pity guy who spend Chrismas alone? Does she want to meet me in her hometown? Is she going to like me? Is this a thing, is this a feeling which many people call love? Do I eventually find it? Or, am I just a foolish world champion of the misperception championship of love as always? Maybe.


2002/11/10

I strongly recommend you to see a movie, "Ma femme est une actrice (My wife is an actress)" if you have a chance. I am one hundred percent perfectly sure that you will fall in love with Sharlotte Gainsbourg. And you will know why I am falling for the my-favourite-mistake girl.

2002/11/07

You know I moved to a new place. My place is huge enough for one person. One bed room, one living room and one dining kitchen. Now the winter is coming. The last two days it snowed. Everyone needs warmth during such a season. No one resists the warmth that makes him feel comfortable. He needs the warmth that only someone significant can give to him. The warmth must feel him protected and loved. To feel being loved is important for him who is living alone in a large apartment in a snowy country on the third planet of the Solar system in this lonely universe. But I feel cold and freezing.....

BECAUSE THE HEATING SYSTEM OF MY APARTMENT DOESN'T WORK EXCEPT IN THE BED ROOM.

Can you imagine you start a day by eating breakfast without any heating devices on a day when temperatures outside are -8 degrees? Dammit.



2002/10/25

Find Me.


2002/10/18

The invitation to dinner with a girl upstairs(That was impressive). Another invitation to lunch at a luxurius hotel(That didn't impress me so much as I had expected). Next? An invitation to taking ASPIRIN, the extra strength---I caught a cold. See you guys.



2002/10/15

I had a phone call from the Consulate General of Japan. A receptionist said that the Consul General was interested in my research about which I made a paper presentation at Ottawa. I happened to have lunch with him at a french restaurant of the most luxurious hotel in this city. What on earth is going on?


2002/10/14

I boiled spaghetti. She made tomato sauce.
I poured red wine for her. She said "Thank you."
We had a chat over pasta.

She talked about her work. I talked about my study.
We talked about cats that lived around our backyard.

She taught me french pronuciations. I taught her Japanese culture.
We learned each other.

She boiled water for tea. I washed dishes.
We drank lemon-taste tea, listening to Piasora's tango.

She missed her husband in Dakar. I missed someone unforgettable.
It takes two to tango, after all.



2002/10/13
A girl who lives in an upstairs room invited me to dinner at her place this evening.


2002/10/03
Won't somebody please help me with my miseries?
Can somebody see what this world has done to me?
(Love "Always See Your Face")


I am just wondering if I should keep playing this game...




2002/10/02

A new girl appeared to my TA class. After the class she approached me and said, "Your conference is very different from other TA's." I thought that she tried to say in an indirect way (which is a typical way of intelligent people) my conference was the worst one she had ever attended. OK. I have got accustomed to being accused as the worst TA. I am too old to be hearted easily (a little bit bluff). "No TAs organize their conference like that," she said. "Do you feel uncomfortable?" I asked her anxiously.

"No, I liked it. I will tell the head TA that I would like to shift to your conference."


If you allow me to add extra words, SHE WAS SO CUTE WITH SHORT, DARK HAIR, WHICH IS MY FAVORITE.



2002/09/30

It was a long, long Friday. When it all comes down to, Friday is a beginning of weekend. Hence, it's needless to say that it's gonna be a long, long day, isn't it? Actually, it was much longer Friday than I expected when the day started.

***

After the Chinese language class in the morning, I went to a school cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee. That cafe stand serves a nice cafe. Students who pledged their high fidelity to the cafe stand made a long line for their favorite coffee. A girl approached to me when I poured milk to my coffee. She called my name. She was a Japanese student who enrolled a Political Science course for which I TAed. She also took the same Chinese course. "Do you mind chatting over coffee for a while? I have some questions about the PoliSci course." We had a small talk over coffee about the political science course. I emphasized the importance to meet her TA as frequently as possible in order to catch up class discussions. I gave her general advices about reading, exams, discussions and lectures, trying not to touch my personal information. She confessed that she thought I was at least thirty four years old because I wore jackets. Her remarks made me sad. Business as usual.

***

I had an appointment with a Taiwanese girl at three o'clock. She was TA for the Chinese language course and also learned Japanese language. That's why we arranged to do language exchanges. I met her at cafe close to the campus. It started raining before I get to the cafe. She spoke Japanese fairly enough. Her Japanese with the Taiwanese accent never failed to remind me of someone unforgettable..... I wondered if I would recall it every time I met her or every time it rained..... I asked her to correct my Chinese pronunciations and tones. When I started to teach her Japanese, she suddenly found that her purse was not in her bag. It seemed to be stolen. Fortunately, the purse contained only $ 10, her student ID and a bank cash card. We immediately finished our language exchanges and headed to a bank in order to claim the lost and found. I saw her off at a Metro station and said good-bye.

It keeps raining. I get wetted heavily. Every time it rains I always wonder why.......

***

A Jazz bar at nine thirty PM was crowded. A jazz session had already started. A female singer sang blues. Another trio began their session after eleven. When their second session finished, it was around two thirty AM. Five hours and two bottles of wine. A cafe which opened 24 hours was a place to go after the Jazz bar closed. A chat over coffees continued until five thirty. I jumped into the first train and fell down to bed when I arrived my home at seven.

***

A long, long Friday. Don't you think?



2002/09/26

Oops, I did it again. Sorry, but it's my favourite mistake.


2002/09/25

Final Answer?


2002/09/23

CLICK HERE . Then, find me.




2002/09/20

I was very pleased to find that this website has enthusiastically addicted readers who cannot live with/without reading my diary beyond a language barrier. It was a happy surprise as well. Now enjoy new English edition of my diary. But, you have to await it till Monday. Look forward to an up-date, holding your breath.....


2002/09/17

Dear my regular readers:

How are you doing? Comment allez-vous? Ni men hao ma? Ogenkidesu-ka?

I have to make an important announcement to all of you, my dear readers.

MY DIARY IS IN A CRITICAL SITUATION.


I am unable to update "The TA Gazette in Canada," formerly known as Brigit Jones Diary, because I cannot browse any web pages on my Japanese Windows system. I can browse Japanese web pages on my English Windows system (yes, I have two operation systems in one computer!), but I cannot write Japanese on the English system. Therefore, all I can do is to update my diary in English until this trouble is resolved. I am very sorry for any inconveniences that the trouble will occur. Please understand.

Now I would like to ask you the following question, my dear readers:

Do you want to read the English version of my diary?

OR

Do you hate my writing English diary because you smell the snobbish scent of roses of mine?


I appreciate it, if you could write your opinions on the bulletin board (I can read Japanese). I look forward to hearing from you.


2002/09/11

　ようやく生活費が手に入った。銀行預金の残高が危うく二桁までいくところであった（個人的最長不倒は、昨年10月末に記録した40ドル）。それにしても本学の官僚機構には腹が据えかねる。履修登録、登録証明書、奨学金と同じ事務所が扱っているのだが、ここ３週間、三日と空けず通いつめた（というのはちょっと大げさ）。しかし一度で用が済んだことはない。ひとつの事務処理をするのに何度も何度も通った。向こうは向こうで「またこいつか」という顔をする。単なるクレーマー扱いである。
　今朝は、スポンサーからの小切手を受け取りに大学院事務室の奨学金課へ出向いた。今日も受付には、この世の不幸を一人で背負っているのに誰一人わたしのことなんかわかってないとでも言いたげに、肉のつきすぎた丸い顔を引きつらせ、ありとあらゆる苦虫を120匹くらい一度に噛み潰したような表情をしたマダムが座っている。認めよう。僕は彼女が苦手だ。僕は出来る限り丁寧な口調で来室の旨を告げる。彼女は、つまらないものを持ってこさせるんじゃないわよ、このわたしに、という台詞を体で表現したらそうなるだろうという緩慢な動作で僕宛の封筒を探し、持って寄越す。これで用が済んだでしょ、わたしの手を煩わせないでちょうだい、と封筒を手渡す丸太のような手がしゃべりだしそうだ。まったく、無言劇かパントマイムをやらせたら、アカデミー賞でも取るんじゃないか、このマダム。もちろんそんなことはおくびにも出さず、僕はポーカーフェイスを続けている。そして、僕は、よせばいいのに、その場で中身を確認したくて、「はさみかペーパーナイフを貸していただけますか」と訊いた。マダムは、ものすごく怪訝な顔をして、「封筒を開けるの？」と訊く。「ええ」と僕が答えるや否や、芋虫のような指を封筒ののりしろにつっこみ、びりびりと破り始めた。僕はもう、ほんとうに唖然として、開いた口が塞がらなかった。僕は両目を大きく見開いて彼女を見つめた。彼女は勝ち誇ったように、今朝初めて見せる笑顔を浮かべ、醜く破られた封筒を「はい」と僕に手渡した。僕はもう何を言っていいのかわからなかった。僕は来室からの一部始終を何度も繰り返し思い返して考えてみた。何か差し障りのある行動を僕は取ったのだろうか？　不快な言葉づかいをしたのだろうか？　しかし何度考えてみても、彼女の対応には悪意があるとしか思えない。こういうときに、一発ですかっとするような、気の利いた切り返しの台詞が出てこないことには、一人前のバリゾーゴニストとは言えない。僕もまだまだである。

***

　そんなこんなで朝からへこんだので、午後早くに大学の用事を切り上げて、下宿の近所のビューティサロンに髪を切りにいった。なぜ気分がへこんだら散髪に行くのか、結構興味深い因果律が働いているようだが、まぁ、それはそれ、これはこれである。やけっぱちになったわけではないが、「思い切り短く」とサロンのお姉さんに頼んだ。隣のソファから、お姉さんのパートナーであろう、ゲイっぽくて顔色が悪くて髪をブルーのメッシュに染めて左耳に大きなピアスをした中年のおっさんが、ちらちらとこちらを見るのが気になったが、まぁ、それはそれ、これはこれである。出来上がりは、……お猿さんみたいになりまいた。ウッキィー。短髪にすると、人相が悪く見えるのは気のせいだろうか？　しばらく人に会いたくなくなる。ともあれ、13ドルプラス、チップ2ドル、計15ドル也。ウヒョッヒョ。


2002/09/08

　先日、ＴＡを担当する講義に顔を出した。600人登録の大講義。教授はプリンストン出の新鋭。小柄なドイツ女性を見たのは初めてだ。とはいっても170センチ前後なんですが。自己紹介を始めた彼女は、ついでにＴＡも紹介しますと言い出した。ま、まじ？　えぇえぇ、しょうがないから、手を振りましたよ。600人の前で。久しぶりにこっぱずかしい思いをした。問題は、その後である。講義の後、コンピュータ・ラボに用事があって、受付の前で順番待ちしていると、男子学生に声をかけられた。「お名前、何でしたっけ？」僕が怪訝な顔をしていると、「さっきの講義のＴＡでしょ？」。ちょっと手を振っただけなのに、なんで覚えているんだ？　彼は政治思想とは何かについてひとしきり質問していった。政治思想？　そんなの、僕だって訊きたいくらいだ。そしてさらに後日談がある。
　今学期は、中国語・初級編のコースを履修している。若い学部生に混じっていると、冴えないおっさん（僕のことだ）も心なしか若返った気がする。初級編なので、ごくごく簡単なフレーズからお勉強。「こんにちは。わたしは里竹です。わたしは日本から来ました。ご機嫌いかがですか？　わたしは元気です。ありがとうございます。」とひとりずつやっていく。授業の後、日本人女子学生から声をかけられる。「日本の方ですよね。比較政治のＴＡなんですか？　あの授業を取るつもりなんですけど」。

　なんかこれって、とっても居心地が悪い。もしかして、少なからず面が割れてしまっているのだろうか？　自意識過剰と云うなかれ。いまの今まで外国の大都市、外国の大学で無名性の持つ自由を満喫してきただけに、僕の知らない人に僕の名前を知られているという状況には、たとえそれが少数であったとしても、うまく馴染めない。もしかして、図書館の前で、意地の悪そうな目つきをしたカモメが、なんにも考えてなさそうなハトを追い掛け回していじめているのを、ぼぉーっと見ながらサンドウィッチをかじったり、図書館のコンピュータで自分のホームページを閲覧して自己愛を満足させたり、図書館のカフェでお気に入りのドーナッツに黙々とクールにかぶりついたりする姿を見られちゃったりしているのだろうか？　もしかして、もしかすると、ＴＡを始めた去年から？　気のせいだよな。それでも、やばやば感が増す今日この頃である。


2002/09/03

　９月。夏は終わった。今年も８月最後の日曜日に、「サザエさん」では、やり残した宿題に悪戦苦闘するカツオの姿を描いたのだろうか？　カツオの哀れな姿を見るまでもなく、夏の終わりは、もの悲しい。
　さて、新学期。ＴＡ２年目。留学生活も４年目である。今学期のＴＡはまたしても「比較政治入門」。担当教授が代わったので、どういうことになるかまだ見当がつかない。２年目のジンクスに苛まされるＴＡの姿を本誌で赤裸々に描いていくので、どうかお付き合い頂きたい。おいおい「２年目のジンクス」って１年目に大活躍したルーキーが陥るスランプのことだよなっていうことはお前もしかして大活躍したつもりなんか？新人王でも取ったつもりか？というつっこっみが聞こえてくるが、気づかないフリをする。

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　当地のラヂオとテレビ番組は仏語放送と英語放送に分かれている。ＦＭでは仏語放送で好みの音楽が流れるので、仏語ＦＭにチューナーを合わせることが多い。リンダ・ルメイにもここで出会ったのだ。音楽の合間、ＣＭが流れる。当然フランス語だ。「ジャン・クトゥ（という雑貨＋スーパーのチェーン店）では、一日４万本ものフィルムを現像しています……。」ふーん。ジャン・クトゥで写真の現像ができるのかぁ。知らなかったな。こんど試しに持っていくかな。しかし、やけに明瞭にＣＭの内容がわかるな。普段は全くフランス語がわからないのに。やっぱあれかな、２年も過ごすと耳が慣れるのね。新居のあたりは仏語系の生活圏だし。時と環境は偉大だなぁ――待てよ。英語でだってこんなに明瞭にすっきりと頭に入っては来ないぞ。もしかして、いやそんなはずは、……僕はじっと耳を澄ます。「確かな技術に支えられたサービス。写真の現像はジャン・クトゥで」。に、日本語やんか。仏語ＦＭのＣＭやのに、なんで日本語が流れるねん？　当地に住む日本人の購買力に目をつけたジャン・クトゥが、マーケットの掘り起こしに向けて仕掛けた戦略なのだろうか？　だったらなぜ、フィルムの現像？　せこいではないか。あるいは、ことはもっと大掛かりなものかも知れぬ。とある諜報組織が当地に潜伏する日本人工作員に発したメッセージなのか？　偶然このメッセージを耳にし、この日誌にこんなことを書き込んでいる僕は、国際的陰謀に巻き込まれていき、美しいロシア女スパイの助けを借りて邪悪博士（Dr. Evil）との対決に挑むのだろうか？　そんな妄想に耽っていると、秋の夜は確実に更けていくのであった。


＊　本誌は基本方針として、筆者の恣意的な判断基準に則って主観的に取捨選択された事実のみを記述しています。フィクションの場合は「妄想」と明記します。あらかじめご了承ください。それでは楽しんでいきたまえ。チャオ。

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